The Middle
Late summer is a time of reflection and anticipation. It's completely normal for people to ask questions like "How was your summer?" and "Are your kids excited about starting school?" The uncomplicated answers to those questions are "Great!" and "Yes!" (said with a smile, of course). But for us, those questions and their answers aren't so simple.
We are in a time of transition, not a quick move or a new job, but basically a waiting period. As we wait, though, time moves forward, and we must figure out how to live life and make the most of it where we find ourselves right now. At the moment, that life must include some sort of educational plan for our children.
Our friends and family know that schooling has been all over the map with our kids, literally and figuratively. They began at a charter school in Tulsa, then attended two different schools in DC (one private, one public), and when we moved back to Oklahoma City, we finished the semester homeschooling. Last spring, before we knew the outcome of the election, we had to begin thinking about school for the fall. I was hesitant to send the kids to the neighborhood public school because I knew we would probably move again in the middle of the school year, either to another house in OKC or away to another city, and that would mean another school change. We considered homeschooling, because we thought if Harvey won the election, it would allow us the flexibility to travel back and forth to Washington with him from time to time. But I also felt like I needed more support in homeschooling, and I missed having days to myself. Was there any middle ground?
Shortly after we moved back here, I learned about a school that offered a blended model: two days at school and three days at home. The school provides lesson plans and directs parents in which curricula to use on the home days to coordinate with what they do in the classroom. This seemed like a good fit for our family--it would provide the flexibility of homeschooling in case we wanted to travel, but it would allow the kids the social interaction they enjoy at school and help me know what and how to teach the kids at home. Also, if we ended up moving to another house and neighborhood in OKC, we could continue to send the kids there. So we applied and enrolled and made plans to attend the Academy of Classical Christian Studies.
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| Tabitha at her summer Latin workshop |
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| At the "house sorting"; we got Athanasius House |
Then there's the issue of activities--another question that frequently comes up. Until about two weeks ago, we had no income, so we couldn't even consider allowing the kids to play sports or take lessons. Now, thankfully, Harvey is doing some temporary work, so we have a little income, but it's not much, and I'm not sure we want to start the kids out on a team or in a dance class when we will likely have to pull them out in a few months. We want Ben to play football or soccer. We want Tabby to run or play basketball. We want Gracie to dance. We want them to develop the natural talents and abilities God has given them. What's more of a disservice to them--keeping them out of those activities, or putting them in and risking more cut-off relationships?
We take the same risk with church. With our background and our hearts, church involvement is a given. It's just tricky right now. When we first moved back, we attended Portland Avenue Baptist Church when we didn't have a commitment to visit or speak somewhere else for campaign purposes. PABC has been amazingly supportive, loving, and generous to our family, even though we haven't officially become members yet. A few weeks ago, Harvey accepted an interim pastoral position at a small church, Lone Star Baptist, which has been a blessing. This church does not have any children's activities or programs other than a class for our older three kids on Sunday mornings, and they don't have a Sunday evening service at all. So we continue to go to Portland on Sunday evenings, and I take the kids there on Wednesdays while Harvey leads Bible study at Lone Star.
That means we are divided, and we can't really pour ourselves into either place, not knowing how long we will be around. Of course we have participated in activities and service projects, but we can't commit to teaching classes or volunteering on a regular basis where people are relying on us; I feel like that would not be fair to the church if we had to pick up and leave again. I am deeply grateful for both churches and the relationships we've begun to form there; it's just hard to know how to proceed when our future is so uncertain.
Waiting is difficult. It's difficult to live in the moment and not get caught daydreaming about where we will live next: what city, house, job, church. It's so tempting to spend hours online searching for housing in places we think we might live--but it's ultimately pointless. With the kind of job Harvey is hoping for, it's unlikely we will move anywhere until at least the beginning of next year. Any house we find available now will probably not be available then.
I find myself feeling I have nothing to do, nothing to work on. No Sunday School class to prepare to teach. No practices or classes to take the kids to. No church choir or worship team. No accountability partner to meet with. Of course I could jump into any of these things at any time, but I want to protect myself and my kids and any potential friends from disappointment and loss at the next move.
One strange sentiment I've been experiencing is a sadness knowing that wherever we live next, it won't be the other places I've loved living--I will be missing out on something I treasure no matter where we are. It's crazy, because it just means that we have been so blessed that we have loved everywhere we have lived! In Tulsa, we loved our house and neighborhood, a close-knit community of residents of beautiful historic homes near downtown. In Washington, our church was our family; we've never been a part of such a passionate, Gospel-committed fellowship. And of course DC cannot be beat for the scenery and attractions, the wealth of history and learning. Oklahoma City boasts something neither other location can--our family. We appreciate them now more than ever, living so near them and enjoying their company and generosity on at least a weekly basis.
A friend from our church in DC recently wrote me an e-mail in which she expressed her concern about the "repeated upheaval" of our family. Those words express perfectly how I feel about our lives right now. I'm still grieving over the last upheaval, and I'm dreading the next one, hoping it will be the last for a long time. I realize that this kind of transience is just a way of life for people with certain kinds of jobs and in certain military roles, so I know I am not alone in these feelings. I also know that I am completely blessed to have a beautiful family, a comfortable home, food on the table, and most important, a sovereign God who cares for me and is patient with me and provides what I need each day. I really have nothing to complain about.
And I don't believe I am complaining. I'm simply sharing some of the challenges that come of taking a risk, failing, and waiting for what comes next. Sharing some of the challenges of answering those late-summer questions. Thank you, God, that you will answer those questions for us in your timing and according to your will, and help me wait patiently and rejoice in you in the mean time:
But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
say continually, "Great is the Lord!"
As for me, I am poor and needy,
but the Lord takes thought for me.
You are my helper and my deliverer;
do not delay, O my God!
Psalm 40:16-17
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