The Happy Question

Christmas at Oma's

One of the necessities of living far from family is traveling to see them, which usually happens over holidays, when the kids are out of school and Harvey has some time off of work. This year, we began our drive to Oklahoma the Friday afternoon the kids got out of school and arrived Saturday night; the next morning Harvey preached at Lone Star Baptist Church, where he pastored when we lived in Oklahoma City.

It was a nice two weeks in Oklahoma, with plenty of down time balanced with activities with family and friends. The weather caused a few hiccups (e.g., canceling a trip to Tulsa), but I was pleased with the way we were able to reconnect with friends who live in Oklahoma City or were also visiting for the holidays. Ben got to spend a couple nights with his cousins; Judah had play dates with church friends and her second cousin; Tabitha and Gracie got to spend time with friends from school and church; Harvey and I got to go on a couple of dates (grandparents = built-in babysitters!); we all attended gatherings with Harvey's extended family and my Schantz family reunion.

The Bottgers (Harvey's mom's family)

Christmas morning cereal

Ben is in heaven when he's in Oklahoma with his four boy cousins.

Grandma Sparks, whose husband was Harvey's namesake

Celebrating two birthdays

There are things about being in Oklahoma that bring me--coming from Washington life--a sigh of relief: less traffic, parking lots, (mostly) knowing my way around, blending in, just the general familiarity (people, places, culture). Do I miss those things? Of course. Do I want to move back? I don't know. For our family, at least for the past few years, there's always that lingering question: How long will we be where we are? We have a nice life in Washington, but it doesn't feel permanent. We rent a house, and our residency is still technically in Oklahoma. I have a deep-seated desire to settle somewhere long-term, but I don't know where that will be or how long it will be before we get there.

When we were visiting Lone Star over the break, a friend asked me how things were going for us in DC, and after my equivocal response, she asked me, "Are you happy?" While I was touched by this friend's concern about the effects of our latest move to Washington on me, I was nonplussed by her question. It was very direct, and it caught me off guard. It seems like such a simple question, so why did I have such a difficult time answering it?

I've thought a lot about my conversation with my friend since then, and I've been wondering whether the "happy" question (not just coming from her, but in general), though well-intentioned, is inherently faulty. Maybe a better question would be something like, "Are you doing what you're supposed to be doing?" or "Are you living in obedience to the Lord?" or maybe something even closer to the original question: "Are you content?" It could be that I have a misunderstanding of the word "happy" or that the question is appropriate or inappropriate depending on your definition of "happy." If "happy" means "blissful" or "free of stress/problems/conflict" or "walking around with a permanent smile on your face" (which are things that come to my mind when I hear the word "happy"), then I don't think being happy is something we should expect or strive for, and I couldn't honestly respond "yes" to my friend's question. But if "happy" means "joyful/thankful/content in the Lord," then I suppose the question is one to which every Christian should be able to answer "yes" without hesitation (Philippians 4:4). Every Christian including me.

And I can. While there are things in my life I can say I'm not "happy" about in the first sense, I can still say I'm "happy" in the second sense, which is what really matters anyway. So yes, friend. I'm sorry I couldn't find the words when you asked me, but I am happy. I was happy to be with my family and friends in Oklahoma in December, and I'm happy to be back home in Washington now, seeking to live obediently and serve in my imperfect, sometimes foreign-feeling world. (That world, with all its flaws, is dear to me for different reasons, some of which you can read about here.)